Perpendicular Bisector: American Intelligence??

Sunday, April 03, 2005

American Intelligence??

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into aforest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest.They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months ofextensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest,killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

1 Comments:

At 1:56 AM, Anonymous said...: All i can say is ...SHARK U R plain outta ur mind (but hey is there any1 still in it???) anyway, I love yur style.
u gotta b kiddin me, ur a taurean?? how????
anyway u got the talent. u can get famous. just visit http://www.talentedasapoodle.com

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: Name: Muddman; Location: Trivandrum, Kerala, India

There so much I don't want to tell you.

View my complete profile

If you have something you think is crazy enough to be posted here, at my awesome site, mail me at riddle2death@yahoo.com. Dont send viruses, damn you. I'll check it out and may even post it. If it's good enough for my standards.(Like I have any).

You must agree with the terms in order to enjoy this site fully. (If you dont, I dont give a crap. It's your sanity.) Please read this carefully.

I am not responsible for the lowering in your level of sanity.

Please dont spit in public places.

Similarities between the characters in this site and anyone in real life, is purely coincidencial.(Yeah right). In other word's: If Bush is your daddy, i dont give a shit.

If your brain melts in attempts to try and memorise the contents of this whole site, I think thats cool. (Send me some brain-juice).

Please do not spit on public places.(Note: Bush's face is NOT a public place.)

If you are offended in any way by this site then you can go drown in a lake or jump off a cliff.(Note: Best results with weights tied to limbs)

Note: At this point of time, your cranial capacity has fallen by a few thousand brain-cells. (Only a taste a of what's to come.) I'll update this every week. (If I feel like it).

Things not to do in a hostage negotiation situation As the Hostage-Taker

Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.

Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom.

Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long.

Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands.

Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room.

Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener.

Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go.

Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament.

Forget your gun at home.

Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie".

Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you.

As the Negotiator

Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner after the stand-off.

When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It all you you you! What about my needs?!"

When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly.

Show up stoned and do anything at all.

When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone "La la la la! I can't hear you!"

Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants.

Tell the hostage take that you think Elmo should play him in the TV movie of the stand-off.

Tell the hostage taker you think it'd be really cool if a hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window.

Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to hindu if he wants you to deal with him.

When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him, "You're never gonna be on COPS with a wimp attitude like that."

Get's um every time...

The top things to make your exams more fun.

Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.

Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)

Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

Sing "Hakuna Matata" through the whole exam.

Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "

Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

Three/Four (I'm not sure, you decide) words : Eat the question-paper.

One word: Wrestlemania!!

Now I'm sure you won't find examinations nearly as boring as they were. Try these out. NOTE: IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF YOU GET EXPELLED.

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to pee and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

8. Your family always knows where you are.

9. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".

10. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

If you are reading this then you are a total idiot and a internet maniac. I congratulate you. Join the club. As is the "I-am-a-total-idiot-and-an-internet-maniac Club, for the total idiots and internet mainacs. Ha!! and if you're still reading, then you need immidiate medical attention, (as do i). I mean even I'm not reading this. GOD YOU ARE RELENTLESS. If you've got this far, please mail me at riddle2death@yahoo.com. I think we'll be good friends. Well, have fun at the club.

Greetings fellow Earth creatures. I congratulate you on having read this far. Now you can breathe....Had enough of breathing? Well, then, read it again. Warning: I am not responsible for your insanity if you actually read this again. Hey by the way, have you tried memorising my whole site contents?...It'll be fun....I promise.....

Perpendicular Bisector

Sunday, April 03, 2005

American Intelligence??

1 Comments:

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